abit of late, but happy new year peeps!
Today there will be 2 things I’ll be talking about, 1 being the most signficant matter that affected my life durin the year 2008, and the 2nd one being something i’ll be embarking on in the year 2009.
Let’s start with the 1st one, i think it’s gona be long considering what I’ve to say, and judging from the state I’m in now at this sorta ungodly(to normal people) hour, be really prepared for a significant amount of gibberish.
(seriously, god I hate my keyboard holder, it’s those kind that is positioned below the desk and it can slide in and out? due to it being abused by me last time, it gets jammed halfway and my keyboard stays hidden most of the time. normally typing is ok, but when i nid to type a blogpost i nid to have full contact, and getting it unstuck is no easy feat!)
ok, moving on,
the most significant matter that affected my life in the year 2008 was the one where i broke up with my then-gf..
Out of respect and consideration to our PAST relationship, I shall not elaborate much. All i have to say is that on that day i broke up with her, i felt like it was those moment where my “eyes” really opened.
Before all this, i always tot that people who continue to stick with someone even though they were not compatiable were really stupid, but thru this ordeal, i understand that I was really the one that was ignorant.
Love is really a very powerful drug. It makes u… oblivious to alot of things only outsiders can see. and what I’ve realised after I broke up with her have further re-enforced my deep rooted beliefs(maybe not that deep rooted? but we are all learning, aren’t we?) that one must be in another’s shoes in order to understand why he/she does what he/she does.
With that said, I’ve also learnt that one must have 3rd party opinions(friends, or etc) to help one see the light. Although… in the matter of love, perhaps this is not easy, unless in the first place, you are really a very sensible person(which in this case, you shouldn’t be even asking friends for opinions?? lol), or your love for your other is not strong enuff.
ending the general discussion, I shall move on with something more personal.
Something inside me changed.. when I broke up with her. Quite frankly, even though it has nearly been a year, I am ashamed to say that I still do not noe what this change is and whether or not it is a good thing.
What I do noe is, I am not what I am before when it comes to matters of love. I am no longer the enthusiastic, passionate guy that I am.
alright this may sound abit self promoting, but I used to be proud of myself for NOT being the typical MCP or guy who cannot really show any emotions to their gfs or whatsoever. Now, the non-MCP part of me of course still stands lar, but the part where ‘a guy should really give a damn to your girl’s feelings’ somehow….. just disappeared. It’s like.. it just went POP! and the tire became pon chek and useless.
I’ve lost my enthusiasm; the thought of chasing a girl bores me. I can no longer think of anything creative to do. neither can I imagine myself chatting on the phone all day long with someone. The determination to get a girl that I have set my eyes on, with perseverance and sincerity… POOOOOOF! allll down the drain.
(GOD I’M LIKE SO KILLING MY CHANCES RIGHT NOW!! IS SHAOLIN TEMPLE HIRING?!!?)
And another thing is, I’ve noticed I’m more like a normal guy now. looking at chais and expanding my social contacts with the opposite sex. then again, I think these behavioral changes are a good thing. So let’s just ignore that.
One of my best bud told me that this is pretty normal, and it shows that I’ve matured and grown. With all due respect, i’m somehow in abit of doubt as to his intepretion of my current situations.
It’s not really something I can control, and if anyone is irked after ya reading this, then so be it.
I have nothing really much to say or do, and seriously, as long as I don’t find a girl that I like, then this really isn’t a problem.
(I did once though, but alas, I knew(or thought??) it was not meant to be. So be it then.)
to sum it up… a part of me died, something not really signficant for now, but I’m just worried it will be when the time comes… but whatever.. let’s go with the flow…
Anyway, I still got A LLLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOONGGGGGGGGG time to let things sort it out by itself(or maybe I’ll lift a finger when the time is right) since i’m going into the army soon. and seriously, I always have this belief that I cannot survive a relationship in the army. So.. GOOD! I have 2 more years to go through before this thing starts making an impact(or not)
Who the fuck knows?
And yes, the next topic, army. Chop chop short short.
I’ve recently been having this nagging thought that if you are not in the army, people will still treat you like a little boy. AND ONE THING I DUCKING HATE THE MOST IS PEOPLE REFERING TO ME AS A LITTLE BOY!
I do not expect anyone to say I am older than my age, but PLEASE. do not even use the word ‘little boy’ on me, even if it’s in jest. the only exception I’d make is if you are my parents, or you are 45 years old and above.
so yeah, i donnoe why la, but it just makes me cannot wait for army to faster come and faster finish. Perhaps its because all my friends have either finished their’s or are finishing soon?
I don’t noe, but it’s quite bothering. well anyway just something I felt like saying to make people’s eyes burn by increasing the word counts. heh heh.
I am just evil like that.
Something to add on: I remembered once I have this conversation with one of my friend, she told me that she preferred the ‘old’ me, at my old blog.. where I was more open and talk more about myself. Now she sees this blog and all she sees mostly are announcements and etc.
I’ve never really noticed this until she mentioned it, and browsing through everything, I somehow felt she was kinda right.
Interestingly, I changed my blog about a month or two after I broke up with her. related? I don’t know. But if its true, as in I’m really closing up sub-consciously, then it’s really quite bad.
I mean I’m already very closed up as I am.. I can’t possibly STILL CLOSE UP EVEN MORE?!
WHAT IF I TURN INTO A HERMIT?!!??!!?!?!
WHAT IF I FORGOT WHAT THE HELL IS TEH INTERWEBZ?!?
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooo the horror!!!!!
PS: I was a bit hesitant in publishing this blogpost as I’m not one to talk much about something deep inside me. But meh, treat it as a once in a lifetime gem to start of a great New Year for peeps like you who actually made it this far and gave a damn. 😀 Helps to lighten my load for 2009 too, I guess.
Though this post will not be pinged, until my next update, and judging from the current frequency of me updating my blog… hahhahahah it will most probably be buried deep deep!